Alright – we here at WineFlirt are by no means immune from the overarching pun. But when it comes to how wines are named… what’s going on? Are there any standards or parameters whatsoever?

Somewhere between tradition, restriction and marketing, all wines great and small get their monikers. So what’s in a name?

Veronica helps us with the benchmarks.

In the rocky soil of the wine world, a new wine seeks to align itself with, and simultaneously distinguish itself from, other known quantities. Wines grow up fast: naming one can seem as treacherous as helping a friend get dressed for a night of speed dating. What do you want to divulge?

- What you’re made of (aka the varietal): name that grape. The juice in a bottle marked Chardonnay or Pinot Gris needs to be 100% from said grape in Europe, but only 75% in the US.

- Where you’re from (aka the appellation): time has given weight to wines from Chianti, Rioja, Champagne, etc. If you weren’t bred and spread in that region, these names are off-limits.

- You’re not that interested, so you’re not giving out too much info (aka generic table wines): easier to make, as there are no content or production restrictions. Who knows? – you could find a jewel in a simple vin ordinaire.

- Maybe use a pseudonym: the content of trademarked and proprietary brands may change, but they’re banking on you recognizing them at face value.

- You have style: A Meritage, Pinotage or Fumé Blanc denote a wine resulting from a (relatively) contemporary blend or innovation. Remember perms? It’s a thin line between love and hate – these wines can be prone to fashion and trends.

In any case, don’t be afraid to talk to the Wine Guy at your local shop. Maybe he’s Romeo with a hand truck, and it’ll only take a minute.