Hangover Cures
As technology marches forward, there’s talk and debate about how the wines of tomorrow might be changed: taking out the tannins, stripping out the sulphites, and dialing down the alcohol.
In the meantime, if you’re drinking in this New Year’s Eve, there’s a chance you might feel KO’d on Day One, just for having a good time. Take the longview, alternate the vino with agua, and proceed slowly.
So you forgot to call your Uncle Louie to thank him for the Holiday card and the five dollar bill, and now you really can’t call him on New Year’s Day, because he’s going to know you’re just shaking him down for his never-fail Semper Fi Hangover Cure recipe.
No worries, dear reveler. Forthwith, a menu of hangover remedies. You can just smack me on the can and call me Uncle Louie.
Firstly: stay away from coffee, as it’ll just dehydrate you more. Try to hang out by the wheatgrass-and-juicer side of the deli counter: any juice will help you get over. Also blacklisted: the night-before Tylenol (not good for your liver, Lover) or aspirin/Ibuprofen (bad for the belly).
The Alphabet: Vitmains A, B, and C – take ‘em the next day.
Meat, eggs and dairy are loaded with B12, so go out for that greasy Lumberjack Plate with your midnight smoocher.
The Madge: Anglophiles all come back stateside with tubes of Berroca, a multivitamin they swear by and covet, as you can’t find it in the US. Contains vitamins, minerals, sugar and salt.
The Magda: A Polish housekeeper I know swears by pickle juice, but that’s her answer to everything (“Not married yet, poor Jilly? You drink more pickle juice.”) The minerals apparently do the trick; I’ll keep you posted.
The Cajun: Cayenne Pepper. “Recuperative” cocktails like the Bloody Mary and Hair of the Dog? They’re all about rejuvenation through pepper, hot sauce and lemon.
The Mad Men: Alka-Seltzer in the a.m. is old school, but there’s a lot of loyalty to the aspirin/citric acid/sodium bicarbonate classic. Feeling more Patagonia than Talbots? Go with a fizzy packet of Emergen-C.
The Bond Girl: Order up a pair of strong hands and get a massage to squeeze those toxins out. If you’re low on Benjamins, go for a shvitz and steam those bastards out.
The Cheeky Monkey: A simple banana will replace potassium, calm pounding blood vessels with magnesium and act as a natural antacid.
The NASCAR: Southern fellows swear by Goodys Headache Powders – aspirin, pain reliever and caffeine. Swallowed, drank or snorted by those begging forgiveness.
The Sourpuss: Apple cider vinegar with hot water and lemon. Add some ginseng and honey, and it’s actually pretty good.
The Tailgater: Gatorade, anyone? The electrolytes in sports drinks help your cells re-hydrate and feel plump and gorgeous again.
The Tail-getter: Having sex causes an endorphin flood to take the pounding out of your head and put it elsewhere. News you can use.
The Natural: Water. Drink up. And Happy New Year!